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Paying Attention to your Attendants

Your wonderful bridesmaids and his amazing groomsmen are such an integral part of the planning, the ceremony, the everything about your wedding! Aren't they half the reason you are even here, shopping for wedding favors? So here are some attendant FAQs.

Q: Help! I already have asked four of my sisters and friends to be bridesmaids. But now his mother is pressuring me to include his two cousins...who I barely know. How do I handle this?

A: It all depends. (Don't you hate when people say that?) But it does depend on if you really want to include these cousins. If you're open to having them stand up with you, good for you! You've clued into the fact that your wedding can be a great opportunity to create new bonds and new friendships with his family.

But what if the one preference you have for your wedding is keeping things small and intimate? Then you have the right to - gently - suggest that while Cousins A & B might not work in the bridal party, you definitely would love them to be involved in other ways. You can include them by asking them to do a reading during the ceremony. Or call them up and talk to them a bit. Find out if they're artistic or if they're great organizers, or if they love working with flowers. Maybe they love shopping online and you can ask them to look for and choose your wedding favors.Once you know their preferences and tastes, you can involve them in many other aspects of your wedding. Win, win!

Q: What if I always have envisioned all my bridesmaids in slim strapless dresses? And what if my best friend has recently become pregnant and is now very self-conscious about her body? Who should bend? It's my wedding, right?

A: Well yes...and no. It is your wedding of course, but I don't think that means she should necessarily 'bend'. It's not like you're talking about the temporary and possibly even disposable wedding favors - your wedding photos will last a lifetime and it's natural to have distinct preferences about who wears what in them. But your relationship with your friend will also last a lifetime. Do you really want to look at those photos and remember how miserable she was that night, all because you forced her to wear something she felt ugly in?  Why not let the bridesmaids choose their own dresses, as long as they keep it all in the same color scheme? Or allow your pregnant friend to incorporate a more flattering scarf or jacket over the strapless style? This way you can be sure that everyone matches, but happily so.

Q: I love my fiancé's best man like a brother. But he tends to get a bit wild and talkative when we go out. I'm totally terrified of what he might say during his toast after he's had a few. What can I do?

A: First of all, if you love him that much, I'm sure he feels the same and would never want to embarrass you. So don't be afraid to talk to him about it. Next time you are all out having a good time, tactfully bring up the topic of the toast and see if he has anything planned. You'll probably be pleasantly surprised to hear what he has in mind. You can then let him know that you intend on doing all the toasts pretty early on in the evening, so he can get it out of the way and have fun the rest of the night. (And you'll rest assured with the knowledge that the sooner he does it, the less time he will have to imbibe.)

Happy Planning and one last thing, remember to shop for wedding favors now and cross it off your To-Do list!!

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