Well, we’re not sure yet, but over the weekend, we did learn that Adam Shankman, who directed the first “Wedding Planner” movie is, indeed, launching a sequel with co-producer Madonna. So let’s engage in the popular-culture fan’s favorite pastime–speculation and jumping to conclusions!
WHAT’S MADONNA’S ANGLE?
Is she in it just for the producing credit, or is she getting ready to revive her acting (and I use that term very loosely) career? Time alone will tell but, as one of my tuned-in friends observed, Madonna certainly knows a thing or two about wedding planning. The question remains–will she or won’t she?
THE FIRST “WEDDING PLANNER” MOVIE
The original 2001 film starred Jennifer Lopez as San Francisco’s most successful wedding planner. She knows all the tricks and all the rules. But she breaks the most important rule of all when she falls in love with the groom, played by Matthew McConaughey. I saw the movie, which did fairly well at the box office, and I enjoyed it. I thought J-Lo and Matt had some chemistry, and though the movie was predictable, it was a pleasant way to spend an evening.
THE SEQUEL—STARRING MADONNA
We’ll start with the cons. Unless the director is deliberately aiming for the over-50 demographic, it’s not likely Madonna will pack in the younger crowd. It’s true–she looks amazing for 50, and she’s still got that singing thing going for her. Next, and this is a big one, she’s not what you would call a good actor. None of her movies has done well, and most have been widely panned by critics. Lastly, whom could they cast as the male lead that Madonna’s strong persona wouldn’t chew up and spit out? Shrek? Hey, now there’s an idea! Nevermind. I’ll move on to the pros. Sorry, can’t think of any.
WEDDING FAVORS–MADONNA-STYLE
As long as we’re speculating, I thought it might be fun to imagine what kind of wedding favors Madonna will have at her next wedding (Madonna Gets Married III.) The first one I have in mind honors Madonna’s Italian heritage. It’s “A Slice of Love” Pizza Cutter, which comes in adorable “pizza box” packaging. This is perfect for her, because she clearly only gives a slice of her love at a time. Perhaps if she gave a man the whole pie, she’d have a lasting relationship. My next choice would be the “Love–Let Me Count the Ways” Heart-Shaped Calculator, although in her case it would be called “Love–Let Me Count the Times.”
Speaking of counting the “times,” I think I have the ideal wedding shower favor for Madonna’s next marital go-round. But before I tell you what it is, I’d like to recount the singer’s “times” for you. There were two marriages, Sean Penn and Guy Ritchie. And then there were the romances, with Warren Beatty, Dennis Rodman, Dan Gilroy, Vanilla Ice and Carlos Leon, father of daughter Lourdes. Call me silly, but I can’t think of a more appropriate wedding shower favor than “The Ex Files,” a matchbook-style envelope filled with a dozen emery boards. Written on each file is a deal-breaking characterization of the men who didn’t make the cut—jerk, loser, lazy bum, player and momma’s boy. Just for fun, let’s figure out which of Madonna’s boyfriends matches which file! Send me your choices, and I’ll put it in my next blog!
