I only ask the question because the question was asked of me. “Am I too old to be a bridesmaid?” is what my almost 60-year-old friend said when I asked her to be a part of my wedding party. And it seems she’s not the only one concerned about age. Curious about what others would do in the same situation, I found another bride in a wedding forum who has a sister who feels the same way as my friend. She says:
“I… um… have a friend… who says her sister has asked her not to include her as one of her bridesmaids because the sister thinks she’s too old. The bride is 31 and the sister is 15 years older. The bride doesn’t think that’s a problem, and in fact, she considered having her own mother (age 60) as a bridesmaid in the wedding. The sister would be with 5 other bridesmaids ranging in age from 26-31. The sister said she would feel silly and that most wedding guests wouldn’t be able to “stomach” a 45-year-old bridesmaid.”
Seriously? Would guests really feel that way or would they just appreciate the sisterly love between them? Well, to me, you’re never too old to spend such an important day as your wedding surrounded by friends who love you, are you?! Besides, as I told my friend, I’m a forty-something bride myself, so I doubt that I’d have many 20-year-olds standing with me anyway. Don’t get me wrong, youth is blissful. But I think I’d take the joyful wisdom and experience that only a good friend can bring any day, regardless of the age.
It seems you agree with me
The responses to this forum post were overwhelmingly in agreement, stating that:
“I do not think it would appear weird or inappropriate for her to be a bridesmaid at all! Brides and grooms come in all ages, and so should their bridesmaids/groomsmen!”
“My best friend (also my MOH) is about 20 years older then I am. And I can’t imagine anyone else standing up there with me.”
“As a 30-yea- old bride, my one BM/aunt is 55(ish??), my MOH/aunt is 48, and my BM/ sister is 21. I chose the ladies I’m closest to and it just so happens that we encompass 4 decades. C’est la vie! (I was just careful that they’re each in an age-appropriate dress by letting them choose their own style.)”
So, if you’re someone who feels like my friend or this bride’s sister, set your fears aside. There’s no reason to feel self conscious. It’s not weird at all–it’s all about love.
Is there really any criteria for choosing a bridesmaid? Not really. You can choose someone whom you’ve known all of your life or someone you just met yesterday but felt an instant kinship. Sometimes you don’t even have to like the person–in the case of obligatory family members that have to be a part–although that’s not a good reason to me. It doesn’t really matter, just as long as the person has a special place in your life. In this day and age, the bridesmaid doesn’t even have to be a woman! Many brides are stepping out of the traditional gender box and choosing their best guy friend to stand with them.
Seems the only “rule” of choosing a bridesmaid is LOVE! Full of surprises and sometimes unpredictable, it’s a force that always guides us to the right choice. Thank goodness there’s no age limit on love or friendship! Just don’t give your more mature bridesmaids a personalized walking cane as a bridesmaid gift!